by Lisa Copen
Coping with illness can feel lonely, and exasperating as people cannot see the pain you are in. Coping with illness that is invisible has its own set of issues, as to most people "you look just fine."
"No one gets it!" we all exclaim at one time or another when we are coping with illness. But if you feel this way on a regular basis you may be in trouble!
Why Can't I Make People Understand? Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why gives you unique insight into why you crave the understanding of those around you when you are suffering with a chronic illness and helps you get past the frustrations you feel when people say things like, "no pain, no gain!" or "if you'd just get out of the house more you'd feel much better."
Why Can't I Make People Understand? Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why gives you unique insight into why you crave the understanding of those around you when you are suffering with a chronic illness and helps you get past the frustrations you feel when people say things like, "no pain, no gain!" or "if you'd just get out of the house more you'd feel much better."
Even when you are coping with illness well, and have come to terms with your disease and all the emotions involved, one comment or look can send you reeling back to when you were first diagnosed and dealing with all the well-meaning advice and skepticism.
Why Can't I Make People Understand? will help you work through this and more, such as. .
- What happens to your spiritual life when you feel alone and misunderstood in your pain?
- How does your atitude affect whether you get the understanding you seek or not?
- How should you pray for others to understand and change their attitude about your illness?
- Is there more to coping with illness than just dealing with the physical symptoms?
- Why do some prayers get answered but with poor results?
- How should you respond when people say hurtful things about your chronic illness?
- What Biblical responsibilities are you exempt from?
- is it okay to get mad at God about it all and express your true feelings about your illness and the pain others are causing?
- How can your relationship with Christ help all of the above become less important?
REVIEW BY: Diane Pederson, BellaOnline's Christian Literature Editor:
Every person needs validation from others. Those “others” may be family members, friends, church family, or coworkers. A chronically ill person needs this too. They long to be understood and seen positively just like those temporary-able-bodied people do. Unfortunately, Christians with a chronic illness are often made to feel that their faith isn’t sufficient or God would heal them.
Chapter 1, Rejoicing in God, reminds us that everyone is commanded to rejoice—not just those with no problems. She reviews what scriptures teach us on the subject. It is so difficult for those of us with any type of chronic problem to remember that God will continue to make us in His image even though we have problems. We are simply to turn over everything to God. That’s hard to do when you hurt or when you have (chronic problem) but it is TRUE!
Being Gentle in how we treat others is the topic of chapter two. We will never be able to make people totally understand what our lives are like. It is futile to try. When they make discouraging remarks to us, we need to remember that God isn’t as concerned with their remark as He is with our response to what they say.
The next chapter (3) teaches us about Acknowledging God’s Presence. One comment that jumped out at me was this question:
How are you living your life? As a child of God or as a victim of man? We can’t have it both ways; we can live as ones who are forgiven and offer forgiveness to others. Or we can be ones who are always distraught that life is not fair. People with this attitude always have an excuse or complaint, never choosing to accept any responsibility for their circumstances or their attitude.
Copen further explains that if we act the victim, we’re letting other people control our emotions rather than letting God’s power control us. Satan, through people, LOVES to defeat us by turning us into victims.
One of the most difficult things for me, and for many others who suffer, to do is to not worry about things. Letting Go of Anxiety, chapter 4, addresses this issue. I don’t know about you, but it is so easy for me to get upset and worry about things like finances BECAUSE chronic conditions stopped my career. It is so hard to remember that God has promised to provide all my needs and has never failed to do so for many years.
Chapter 5 teaches us about Praying and Petitioning for our needs and for others. Then Chapter 6 discusses Giving Thanks as God commands. It can be easy to pray at first, but I wonder how many get discouraged and wind up turning against God because He doesn’t answer their prayers like they want Him to! It is so hard to give thanks when He doesn’t provide that instantaneous healing we would all like to experience.
Every Christian, not just the chronically ill, need to understand the message in Chapter 8, “In Christ Jesus”. We all have an obligation to reach out to others and to lead them to the Lord too.
Every person needs validation from others. Those “others” may be family members, friends, church family, or coworkers. A chronically ill person needs this too. They long to be understood and seen positively just like those temporary-able-bodied people do. Unfortunately, Christians with a chronic illness are often made to feel that their faith isn’t sufficient or God would heal them.
Chapter 1, Rejoicing in God, reminds us that everyone is commanded to rejoice—not just those with no problems. She reviews what scriptures teach us on the subject. It is so difficult for those of us with any type of chronic problem to remember that God will continue to make us in His image even though we have problems. We are simply to turn over everything to God. That’s hard to do when you hurt or when you have (chronic problem) but it is TRUE!
Being Gentle in how we treat others is the topic of chapter two. We will never be able to make people totally understand what our lives are like. It is futile to try. When they make discouraging remarks to us, we need to remember that God isn’t as concerned with their remark as He is with our response to what they say.
The next chapter (3) teaches us about Acknowledging God’s Presence. One comment that jumped out at me was this question:
How are you living your life? As a child of God or as a victim of man? We can’t have it both ways; we can live as ones who are forgiven and offer forgiveness to others. Or we can be ones who are always distraught that life is not fair. People with this attitude always have an excuse or complaint, never choosing to accept any responsibility for their circumstances or their attitude.
Copen further explains that if we act the victim, we’re letting other people control our emotions rather than letting God’s power control us. Satan, through people, LOVES to defeat us by turning us into victims.
One of the most difficult things for me, and for many others who suffer, to do is to not worry about things. Letting Go of Anxiety, chapter 4, addresses this issue. I don’t know about you, but it is so easy for me to get upset and worry about things like finances BECAUSE chronic conditions stopped my career. It is so hard to remember that God has promised to provide all my needs and has never failed to do so for many years.
Chapter 5 teaches us about Praying and Petitioning for our needs and for others. Then Chapter 6 discusses Giving Thanks as God commands. It can be easy to pray at first, but I wonder how many get discouraged and wind up turning against God because He doesn’t answer their prayers like they want Him to! It is so hard to give thanks when He doesn’t provide that instantaneous healing we would all like to experience.
Every Christian, not just the chronically ill, need to understand the message in Chapter 8, “In Christ Jesus”. We all have an obligation to reach out to others and to lead them to the Lord too.
Recommendation:
[ Why Can't I Make People Understand? ] is an outstanding book to have ready to give to a church member that says, “I was just diagnosed with ..whatever…” This book could be used as a devotional for them while they begin the often drawn out process of determining what medical treatment might provide some relief. It would encourage them.
Copen’s writing style is easy to read. Her writing is very logical. I particularly enjoyed reading through the review, reflection, scripture, action, and prayer suggestions at the end of each chapter. She doesn’t tell us to just “pray about it” and she doesn’t promote “instant healing” if you just believe enough.
